“If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. Joy is not made to be a crumb”
Mary Oliver.
Joy shouldn’t be an afterthought.
It shouldn’t be something that happens only after the work is done.
It shouldn’t be a momentary reward at the finish line or something we’ll have time for one day.
It should be the starting point - the cup filled first and the cup whose overflow enriches everything else.
Same for wonder, awe, connection, love and play - the states that give our lives colour and meaning.
These are the energy-givers - the states that breathe life into our system. And their impact is visceral - when we’re sufficiently tapped in we can feel it running through us. And when it’s not there, well, we feel that too.
When we’re sufficiently tapped into sources of joy, awe and connection we’ll find a lightness in our step, an openness in our heart, a steady hum in our creative mind and a certainty in our voice.
When we’re running dry, there’s a heaviness to our posture, a hesitancy in our hearts, friction (or maybe even crickets) in our creative mind and a flatness to our voice.
Now, if I was to cheekily lay those two options out in front of you (the light, free-flowing or the heavy, flat) and ask which is more conducive to the life you’re trying to build or experience, the choice is pretty obvious right?
We want to experience our life and produce our work with energy and inspiration running through our veins - like our brightness is cranking toward 100%.
But if we’re not onto it and checking in with ourselves consistently, we might find ourselves guilt-tripped and shackled by the residual thoughts suggesting we should only play after the work is done and that awe is reserved for those odd few days of leave per year.
It’s akin to falling through the trap door of believing happiness comes after success - where positive experiences are conditional.
If we care for our experience, our relationships and touching the further reaches of our potential we need to flip that formula and use every ounce of will to embed the belief that success comes after happiness.
We have to dig the heels in and stand firm in the belief that positive experiences aren’t conditional - they’re necessary. They aren’t nice-to-haves, they’re need-to-haves.
If we can practice giving ourselves permission to prioritise the states and experiences that breathe life into our system we might just find ourselves stumbling into the life we’ve dreamt of experiencing.
The Practice
A real cornerstone practice today - this question is the starting point for most of my coaching conversations and, in my opinion, the starting place to becoming the architect of your experience. Without an understanding of this, we’re somewhat flopping around hoping for the best. We’ll still occasionally flop around, we always will, but this gives us a simple point to return to.
I think this is best explored with pen & paper and let yourself free-flow journal on it for 5-10mins.
How do you want to feel?
When the head hits the pillow at night, how do you want to feel?
How do you want your life to feel?
What is the internal environment you want to create for yourself?
For me the words I keep coming back to are deliberate, calm, energised and chock full of love.
This becomes our internal compass - it points to what we really want to experience. Beyond the fluffier words of purpose, happiness and goals - this is what we want.
Once we have an understanding of that, it’s then about giving time to the activities, relationships and environments that cultivate those states. We don’t need to know what those activities, relationships or environments are straight away - it can just be a process of exploring.
Have a great week friends.
Big love
Jesse